


out of time

by imnotheretodie



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Apologies, Arguing, Emotional Baggage, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Formula 1, Formula One, Friends to Enemies, Hidden Feelings, Jealousy, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Rival Relationship, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Strangers, To lovers?, for now, new teammates, set 2020 but not really, start of the season
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:01:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29158566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imnotheretodie/pseuds/imnotheretodie
Summary: Esteban and Daniel start off great, but things fall apart fast when Daniel's is announced to be leaving for McLaren.Jealousy and fear guide their actions as they blame each other as everything comes crashing down.Will the truth about love be enough to fix them or is it already too late?
Relationships: Esteban Ocon/Daniel Ricciardo
Comments: 28
Kudos: 34





	1. calm before the storm

**Author's Note:**

> hey!
> 
> I know I'm late to the party with these two not being teammates anymore, but I had to write this.  
> there won't be much reference to specific races as it is set in No- covid 2020.  
> criticism on mistakes is always welcomed!
> 
> If anyone saw it being posted a few days ago, i changed a plot point so had to delete it. sorry <3
> 
> enjoy!

Show covered the surrounding greenery making the whole mountain look like a slice of wonderland. The team landed yesterday night to barely a centimeter and woke up to a view no one expected, and more than 1.5 meter tall cover. Over night their whole plan was shifted to only indoor activities, which made things more complicated when they were suppose to drive around the small vacation spot. 

The 3 day work holiday now was prolonged to 5 in case the weather got better. It didn’t. The whole time they were inside the snow didn’t stop, pulling on from the morning, covering any progress the team had made. In the end after the two days of working things out, they gave up and focused on the training of the drivers. 

The small hotel had everything they needed for the coming start of the season. The team had set up a gym, sauna and massage room to get them back in shape. That combined with a personal chef, a pool and only employees of the team in the building made it a perfect rest before the storm. 

However, due to a small number of rooms, they all had to share, including the drivers. Both drivers didn’t mind as they had frequently had roommates in the earlier series. Daniel laughed at the mention of the situation, saying it will force them to get to know each other while Esteban just nodded along, agreeing that it wasn’t big deal. 

That changed on the day of the arrival when the hotel informed them the room they will be sharing is the Weeding Suite. With only one Queen sized bed. The staff had tried to shift the number of people in various situation, but due to the presence of female staff as well as the renovation of some of the old rooms, this was agreed upon. Their manager sat Daniel and Esteban in the lobby as the other members were checking in and explained the situation. The two looked at each other with a little hesitant looks not sure if the other is comfortable with this but didn’t say anything. 

Being the older of the two Daniel felt it was his duty to make sure the other wasn’t uncomfortable with this. Esteban was not the one to bother the team with things like this, but he didn’t want to step of any boundaries, so he turned to the Frenchman to asked what he thought. 

“I’m fine with sharing as long as you are,” he send him a smile, “but if you snore I’m kicking you.”

Esteban let out a chuckle at the comment, “I’m OK with it, I’ve shared a bed with a guy before.”

The matter was sorted and the two were lead to their room in the highest floor. It was specious enough to fit all of their things and not have to crowd each other. Fortunately they didn’t have to fight over which side to take as Daniel preferred the right and Esteban the left. Although a little uncomfortable at first, they managed to form a routine over time. Esteban went to bed early which gave Daniel a little privacy in the evenings, which made it easier for the two to get along. 

A day before they were suppose to leave the weather went from bad to worse. The neighboring roads all closed for the night leaving the team to wait till the morning to see if they are able to go back home. Over the afternoon however, the whole neighborhood lost power including the hotel trapping them in their rooms to pass the time. The heating was changed to a manual radiators on wood which meant the staff would have to regulate it over night and the temperature of the rooms was lower than before. 

The two drivers spend most of the evening in the main hall with their team chatting away after dinner. No one was too bothered with the situation, besides the manager, and saw it as an extra time of holiday. However, everyone could feel the change in temperature, putting on extra layers of clothes. 

“I’m not made for this people.” Daniel was the one with lower threshold for cold and he was the first one to pull out a jumper. 

The beige top swallowed him down to his thighs which made for a sweet but funny picture with his mess of a curly hair. Seeing as there was no point of sitting around if it was too cold to talk, one by one the team went to their room to slip under heavy blankets to get warm. Esteban was always happy to get into his bed earlier, so when the Aussie said he was pulling back to their room he got up as well. 

The clock hit 11pm when they entered their room, Esteban closing and locking the door for the night. They had changed into their sleep wear and slipped in. This was the first time they had gone to sleep together and it had felt a little weird. Usually Esteban was deep in sleep by the time Daniel laid down. Now the Frenchman was on his phone watching a video and laughing slightly. 

For some reason Daniel’s eyes feel on him, studying his face. The Frenchman had a nice defined jawline supporting his face and reddish cheekbones. His stubble gave him a more mature look but his eyes still held a sparkle. He looked so comfortable to be next in a black shirt and hoodie which he wore to bed. 

“Are you still cold?”

The question took Daniel out of his daydream, blinking rapidly he saw that Esteban had paused the video and was now looking at him with worry. He noticed that his body was trembling a little despite the cover being up to his neck. 

“Yeah, the sheets aren’t warmed up yet.” he sent the other a smile to get rid of the worry and to hide the shame on his face from being caught staring. 

“I can ask for another blanket...” Esteban moved to get up but Daniel put his hand on his shoulder to stop him.

“Don’t bother, it’s fine. The others need it too.” this seemed to ease Esteban who was still looking at him. “We’ll fall asleep in a minute, so stay.”

“If you say so, just tell if you’re too cold, OK?” Esteban moved closer pushing his pillow closer to the middle which caused Daniel’s heart to skip a beat. 

Daniel could now feel his every move under the covers, “Wow you’re a real gentleman huh!” which didn’t help his shaking this time out of nervousness. 

Esteban laughed at the comment “Only to the people I like.”

“So you like me?” his voice went up a note as he teased the other. 

“Of course you’re my teammate,” Esteban placed his phone down to look at Daniel, “or should I let you freeze to help me in the Championship.” 

“Ouuu, you little shit.” Daniel raise an eyebrow at the dig. They were finally comfortable to joke around like this. 

Esteban still had a small smile on his lips, but his eyes washed over Daniel’s body. 

Pushing himself up higher on the pillows, Esteban said, “Come here,” after which he opened the covers. 

For a second Daniel thought if this was a good idea. They were still far from being close and this was intimate thing. His whole face heat up at the thought and knowing how much he moved while sleeping he didn’t think he could do this. He was planning to joke about it but he was cut off before he could say anything.

“I know you’re still cold don’t lie.” Esteban pushed away the blanket from between them causing the Aussie’s body to send a shiver down his chest, the shaking being felt by both of them. 

“Yeah, no mate it’s fine….” he was pulled by the shoulder and found himself pressed close to Esteban, his head on his pillow. For a moment he was scared he’s been too bothersome for the other to have to do this, but then he knew that Esteban was no someone who could be pushed around. 

The Frenchman pulled the covers over both of them and settled down, their arms intertwined as their sides touched creating warmth “Better this than not being able to sleep all night, no?”

Daniel needed to say something. Looking to the left he saw a smirk on the other’s lips. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” They kept smiling at each other. “it’s easier to sleep when you have someone next to you. But I’ve never cuddled a guy, so this is a first.” 

“Really?” Daniel couldn’t hide the shock on his face, “but you said you’ve shared a bed with a guy before?” He was just curious that was it. 

Esteban laughed at the look on his face, which made him feel embarrassed especially cause they were so close now. He felt the laugh as Esteban’s body vibrate them both. 

“Yeah on a summer holiday, it was so hot we had the AC on the whole night.” He shook his head at the Aussie. 

“Ahh.” Daniel felt both relief and embarrassment for forcing the other to do this, smiling he send a wink, “I’m honored to be your first.”

“Shut up.” Esteban pinched his side which made him jump a little. 

“Heyy!”

They continued chatting for a while, Esteban showing him a few videos. His body relaxed under the warmth of the covers and the soothing of the voice of his teammate. The oddness he felt before, being wrapped in your teammate's arms was gone now. Before he knew it the darkness took over them and he feel asleep, but not before one of his hands found the waist of the man next to him. 

Esteban hummed as the older man drifted off, happy he could help him out, but also a for the bonding experience they shared. He was back on the grid this year and although Daniel was a pleasure to have around most of the time, he was also his direct rival. He needed this to be his year if he was to really stay here, no amount of goofiness of the cuddly Aussie would stop that. Looking down he smiled at the curly haired man in his arms. If only things were different.


	2. I can hear the sound of breaking down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!
> 
> things get complicated heh,  
> i'm going to try and complete this before uni starts again but it keeps going longer lol 
> 
> so for some reason i keep mixing up tenses in this fic, so if you see any mistakes let me know.
> 
> enjoy!

Walking down the hallway Esteban couldn’t stop giggling at his teammate. The Aussie had made it his mission to bring sunshine to every room he walked into, breaking the stoic faces of some of the staff members. Today he spend time showing off his dance moves by shimming down the hall from one room to another. It seemed that making someone smile brought Daniel more happiness than anything else. Looking at the people around him, Esteban felt a calmness coming from the team, a good working atmosphere to develop and grow. 

Today they’re going over some statistics about the car, both drivers giving back feedback to help improve it. Listening to Daniel, he now knows the reason everyone seems to care about him even more. He is professional, not letting a single thing slip past, double checking the smallest numbers and asking for as much feedback as he is giving. Esteban tries to remember and use any information he can during these meetings, the difference in experience can be seem by the team and he doesn’t want to be left behind again. 

The improvement in the team is greater thanks to Daniel, and Esteban thinks they have a chance to prove who they are. The season is around the corner and time is going fast. All the seriousness aside, the two strike a friendship, as it often happens with drivers. The often dull and boring photo shots for the sponsors and management are turned into time to relax and have fun on the job. Even though half the time they end up distracted by what Daniel found entertaining, the photos always look better if they‘re both smiling. 

It’s 3pm when they finally sit down the rest, the lunch break placed between two sessions of sim work.  
The conversation is flowing slowly thanks to Daniel being able to make a topic out of anything. Esteban nods along and asks a question or two, letting his teammate explain his latest obsession with fashion. When they finish their meal and are waiting for the desert, he decides to see if they are really on the same page when it comes to their team.

“I wanted to ask you something.” he said. 

“Yes, you do have a sleep problem.” Daniel answers without missing a beat, the same stupid smile on his face.

It makes Esteban shake his head in disappointment, smiling back, “A serious question, Daniel.”

The Aussie sees the look he receives after the little joke, “Yeah, sure.”

“What do you actually expect from this team?” He can see the wheels turning in his teammate's head, as Daniel opens his mouth, so he continues, “I mean what do you actually think we can do for the team, not what the boss wants.”

It takes a moment for Daniel to reply, he stares at the space between them as his brows furrow in thought. 

He looks up at Esteban, “I don’t think we’ll be on the podium.” 

That was the truth. They both knew it, Cyril knew it, but to keep the money they needed to pretend it wasn’t so. Daniel could only do so much to push the engineers, but he couldn’t build the car, not to match the others. Esteban is still to young to lead, and was out for a year, which is too long to challenge for anything. 

“The car is good but not consistent, the strategies rely too much on others mistakes and the boss has too much unnecessary things to worry about.” The Aussie’s demeanor had flipped from cheerful to serious and professional, Esteban was almost impressed. 

“I think so too.” He pulled the coffee cup closer. “For me it will be an improvement from not being on the track, but I wanted to know your opinion.” 

“I don’t like to talk like this in front of the team, but I know you’ll understand, you were in Mercedes.” said Daniel while playing with the napkin in front of him. “I promised to help the team as long as I’m here, bring it wins, but…” 

Esteban was looking directly into Daniel’s eyes and couldn’t help but nod. The differences in the way the teams were ran from the top was too great not to notice.

He decided to be honest, “I’m worried we’ll go back, you know even worse than last year.” 

Daniel shook his head, “We won’t, the car is better and I know you can perform. Trust your talent Este.”

His voice was firm, but his face looked soft, like a friend giving him advice, “I’m here to help you as a friend, as much as I am here to beat you as a teammate.”

“I want to make this team the best it can be, and prove I belong here.” said Esteban. 

“You do. No matter what they say, you do belong here.” 

The sentence made Esteban smile, the Aussie was really something else. He cared about people more than anyone Esteban’s ever met. Dedication was put in every single part of the day, no wonder he got this far. Still he stood above them all, both as a driver and as a person, closed off if anyone comes looking. 

“I’m thankful you’re here Daniel.” He put out his hand for Daniel to shake. 

And just like that the sunshine was back in the room as Daniel took his hand, shaking it above the table, “Same here. Let’s do this!”

A weight was lifted off Esteban’s shoulders. He needed this conversation, and it looked like Daniel knew exactly what to say to ease his mind. 

*******

It was a quiet afternoon when the news breaks. Esteban had been in the gym working out after his lunch, his phone buzzing without stopping. He tried to ignore it the first few times, thinking it was some stupid conversation in the group chat, but then he heard his managers message sound. Putting the weights down, he walked over to see the reason so many notifications keep coming. 

First thing he saw was Lance’s message, ‘did you know?’ and a screenshot of an article.

'Daniel Ricciardo joins McLaren for 2021 on a multiyear deal.' 

No, he didn’t. 

Running a hand through his hair he wondered about what this means. From what he was told Daniel was offered a extension deal and was negotiating it. The season hasn’t started yet, but it seems the team he though was going to fight for to win is now a sinking ship. 

He shoots a quick ‘no’ to Lance before opening the rest of the messages. His manager is convinced this is a good thing, Esteban can stand on his own without the burden of being the second driver. His father had only send him an encouraging message to use this as motivation. 

Still there was no message from Daniel. Did he even think of telling Esteban… Or was he just going to continue to lie… 

Had he already signed when they talked at the factory? 

He sat down on the mat, alone in his apartment, eyes glued at the screen. He thought they were close, not really friends but as colleagues, teammates he thought Daniel trusted him, yet shouldn’t he at least have mentioned he was leaving him next year?

Esteban jerked back at the thought. 

‘Leaving him-- no, no-- leaving the team.’ Daniel was leaving the team. He had never been less than pleasant with him, always there to help, a smile on his face everyday and night. 

Still a part of him was bruised, why did he feel betrayed… Daniel didn’t owe him anything. 

Opening Instagram he went to the F1 page where the announcement was put out. It came out so sudden, most wait till at least half the season is gone. He slid down the wall in exhaustion. 

Opening the comments was not a good idea, and he hesitated for a while, but his annoyance won. 

@maxverstappen1 – Send it!!

@landonorris – Finally! Welcome aboard!! 

Pierre had also left a heart. So they had all known. They probably helped him in the negotiations. The comments don’t help either, most laughing at the fact Renault were losing their best driver. Others were mentioning how he must have only stayed for the money, there was no other explanation for why someone like Daniel would go there. 

Esteban’s mood was turning sour, this was not true. Everyone loved Daniel, he had made the team better, stronger and put them back in the fight. They were a team and he wouldn’t just use them until the next opportunity comes. He wished he was told before, but that’s how things are here. 

Ding. A new message covered the comments on the screen. 

Aurelie PR – ‘guess I’m stuck with just you next year :P ’ 

Esteban frowned. Did he really not care, these are the people he spend the last year with, worked long days and nights with. He shot back a quick reply of comfort to Aurelie, before opening Daniel’s chat. Still nothing. 

He got up slowly, moving towards the kitchen. He needs something bitter to wake him up from this nightmare. Opening the cupboard he found a half bottle of whiskey, left it there after he sighed the contract with Renault. A shot is enough to make him regret buying it in the first place. 

What was he suppose to say. ‘I've really enjoyed working with you!’ like they don’t have a whole season together. Or maybe write how he is ‘Sad to see you go,..’ like he isn’t feeling blinding anger right now.

God, he feels so stupid now, he let the magic of preseason blind him to the reality of the situation. There were no friendships in Formula, no stability or truth, only power and lies. 

No feelings, only business.

The music of the speaker is still playing in the background, forgotten in the mess of things. Most of his apartment is still in the darkness as the sun goes down, only dark orange rays come thought the windows. Coldness passes though his body. He shouldn’t let this go on anymore. 

Typing away he send the message ‘congrats on the new team’ and locked the phone, leaving it. He would check it later, he knew he would. As for now he needed to find a way past this headache. 

***

Daniel had let the buzz of the day wash over him. The news has finally dropped, new headlines to write, more interviews to do. He knew this was the next move, to him it was time to go. There would never be a chance like this, to try again, to win again. The project at McLaren had a clear goal and backing behind it, his experience will be just what they need. He tried, he really did, to help Renault and the team. Still it wasn’t enough. 

When they called him two days ago saying they were going to announce it, he was hesitant. Usually drivers get announced at the end of a season, not before it started. But in the age of social media the hype needed to be controlled and used to their advantage. Daniel will not be the first nor the only driver announced like this, just look at Carlos. 

A buzz from his phone took the attention of the crappy TV show he was watching. Picking it up he saw the name Esteban and his heart dropped. Shit.

He had been scared to tell his teammate for a while now. They had just started to get along, the chat they had in the factory opened their friendship more than he thought it would. The Frenchman was eager to prove himself, listening to Daniel’s every word, following his advice to the letter. He knew he should of told him before, he knew he fucked up. 

But he had hoped to do it in person and explain why he did it. Esteban knew why, they all did, but still. The draft of a message stood unsent in his inbox, asking for a ‘quick video call with him’, written two days ago. He opened the message. There were no question, no emotion. Esteban had never send a message like that. 

It was his own fault after all. He lied to his face, promises of partnership and teamwork. Daniel thought for a moment, even himself not sure why. He could of just said it, send the message, called him. He didn’t. Maybe it was better this way, to cut the relationship before it had a chance to become too precious. 

Deep down the warm feelings that came up during the cold night in the snow mountain were coming up again, this time they were bitter at him. He was mad at himself, for letting this make it this far, for complicating their work together. He still isn’t sure why he did it, why he let it get to this. The whole season, all seventeen races stood tall and waiting for him to mess up, to prove he made a mistake again.

He wrote down a reply stood frozen looking at the phone. The image of Esteban’s smile in his mind, the look he gave him while Daniel was tucked under his arm, one of softness and warmth. He was horrible teammate, a horrible friend. Were they even friends anymore, he didn’t know. 

Daniel’s eyes couldn’t peal away from the screen, stuck to the words he sent – ‘thanks’. No reply came from Esteban that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the titles of the chapters are there cause I tried to do the whole song playlist thing based on chapters but i could find songs that fit the mood so i scrapped it lol 
> 
> ok. bye. leave some comments :)
> 
> *this is a work of fiction and is in no way connected to the people/events mentioned in it*


	3. we moved like shooting stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey 
> 
> first time writing an argument and i think it turned out ok? 
> 
> there is no content anywhereee  
> i love these two together we were robbed of interactions this year i hope we see them more :(
> 
> enjoy!

The season started relatively good, the first few races ended with high points. Unfortunately, the team was soon faced with a number of problems, most notably the complaints against other teams’ cars and their own car suffering major engine problems. It all came to collision during Round 6, when both cars didn’t finish the race. 

The first breakdown of the season seemed to be on the door step, but no one was prepared for what it brought to the team. Their relationship, although still professional, had suffered a lot, with Esteban being more quiet than before, putting on his media face when needed for the cameras, but otherwise keeping to himself. 

Renault’s garage was too quiet for the amount of people that were inside it right now. Both sides of the team were preparing for briefing meeting in 2 hours after the disastrous race they had. By the end of lap 45, both cars had not only been taken out of the race, but also suffered serious damage. The mechanics had predicted a whole remodel of Daniel’s back and right side, while Esteban had to deal with an engine issue and change of brakes. Fortunately they had a free week till the next race and the factory had already started on the new parts. 

They were both in their rooms, trying to relax but today’s result was a low blow to their place in the Championship and nether wanted the blame for that. The results have been disappointing for second race in a row, and after the great start something had to be done. 

Daniel was taken out by Charles’ Ferrari, whipping away his chance at a podium. The Aussie tried very hard to hide from the media the anger he felt at the situation, that is before he came back to the garage. He found out that not only was Charles not being punish, but Renault dropped the complain in the name of sportsmanship. Apparently he had locked himself in his room to try and calm down, only Michael was allowed in, even then the trainer hadn’t spoken a thing at his friend. 

Esteban’s issue could have been solved a lot sooner if they had seen it, but apparently no one did. He didn’t blame the mechanics, they weren’t the ones who were responsible for it, but he couldn’t help but feel let down by the team today. 

A hot shower helped calm him down, before he rejoined the meeting room where he, Daniel and their marketing manager had to go over some things before the general meeting with the whole team. The whole thing was a way to calm the investors down, a statement from the drivers that the morale is still high, basically bunch of PR crap. 

The mood in the room could be felt from the door, Daniel’s usual personality was gone, he face expressionless except for the hard stare he had. Esteban tried to make the situation better by playing the mediator but it was of no use, his emotions still too high to give more than 2 word answers. He pitted the manager who pretended not to see the two men glaring at everything.

“How will you prepare for the next weekend?”

The question caused both men to become stiff and tighten their jaws. They were prepared this weekend, they’re prepared now. All that work to go to waist because of issues neither could control. The woman sensed she would need more time to finish this if both refused to help her, so she excused herself to go and grab some coffee. 

Daniel’s hands went to his face, pressing at his eyes, as he let a groan get past his lips. It was hard to piss the Aussie off but when he was truly angry it took more than an hour for it to go away. He was the star of this team and was suppose to lead it forward but it felt like he was being held back. The media were already writing him off as a coward who runs away from a fight. His damp curls framed his expression as he stared at the blank wall opposite him, completely shutting everything off. 

Esteban really didn’t plan on sitting here all day with his teammate and if the wasn’t going to try and finish this interview he would leave.

Sighing heavily he started, “We’ll have another chance next week, stop stressing yourself out.” 

The sharp turn of Daniel’s head towards him, and the look he got, sent a shiver down his back, “I lost a podium today.”

Esteban wasn’t in the mood to back down, “And I lost points, doesn’t mean I’m going to sit here all day cause you refuse to answer her questions.” 

“The hell do you want me to do Esteban? Smile and pretend I’m okay with this?” The sharpness in the questions was not something Esteban was used too hearing, and it certainly hasn’t ever been send in his direction. 

Breathing in and out, he continued “Look we both know no one is in the mood for this, but considering it is our job…” 

“Fuck that mate, I’m not playing these games now!” 

Daniel got out of his chair, too angry to sit and have this conversation, “Does it look like I care about that right now? I got taken out by that brat and nothing happened to him!’’

Esteban knew Daniel felt the team should’ve filed a complaint, he knew how it felt, but bit his cheek to try and keep himself from saying what he was actually thinking. He slowly kept going, “Then go and cry to the boss, there is no need- ” 

“How aren’t you angry right now?” At this point Daniel was looking at him with a dark stare, he almost felt like the Aussie was blaming him as much as he did the team. 

He got cut off again. His anger was back out and if his teammate wanted to have a screaming match so be it, “I am. That doesn’t mean I can be a dick to people! These things happen… “ 

“No, they don’t! Both of us could’ve had a great race today and not be here right now!” Daniel’s whole body shook as he slammed both hands on the back of the chair in front of him. 

“I can’t believe you’re so scared, as to not even… “ He shook his head without finishing the sentence. 

Esteban go up from his seat, leaning on the table between them.

“It’s not the same Daniel!” he said low, in warning. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have, not now, not ever. 

Their eyes were locked as the two stood in the middle of the room. Daniel looked ready to fight, his whole body tense as he crossed his arms over his chest. Esteban on the other hand, was breathing heavier and running a hand over his hair. Both had let their emotions lead them to this, but he wouldn’t be blamed for something he had nothing to do with. 

The Aussie puffed and sent him a fake smile, “Yeah, right.” it felt like he was trying to get the Frenchman to admit to something. 

“Don’t act like we’re the same. You got taken out and can be angry all you want, at Charles, at the FIA, at anyone.” Esteban’s voice got deeper as his accent became more prominent,” I got screwed over by the car. My team didn’t prepare well enough and I got screwed.” 

Daniel didn’t move, didn’t say anything but his look had less venom than before. Maybe he realised what he was doing to him teammate, putting him in a situation he couldn’t afford. He didn’t back down and neither did Esteban who now had strong resentment in his voice.

“What do you think I should do?! Go and yell at the mechanics, or my engineer? What is that going to accomplish huh?!” He angrily pointed at the door which lead to the garage where the his team was probably still getting ready for the meeting. 

A thought that they might hear their, at this point, screaming match crossed his mind but he didn’t care. Daniel was acting like a spoiled brat, these things happen, punishing their staff by whining would solve nothing. He didn’t have the power to be mad at them. He wasn’t even in a car last year let alone battling for points. 

He liked Daniel and was thankful to be his teammate, but the jealousy of the second driver was always there. You could pretend not to see or feel it, but it was obvious to all. He knew their treatment was not the same, and one mistake could leave him out of a seat again. Unlike him, Daniel was being begged to sigh another contact. They weren’t the same. 

“Or did you forget YOU’RE the number one driver and I don’t have the same privileges as you?!” 

He didn’t mean for it to come out. That little comment was no something his teammate needed to know. 

Daniel seemed taken back by what he said, his eyes and mouth slightly opened, as if whatever he was about to say got stuck in his throat. His expression was still dark on his face, brows still furrowed and a frown covering his usually smiling features, but there was calculating look behind his eyes. 

Esteban didn’t move, didn’t continue. What ever cruel thing he was about to say next was left in his head as he bit down on lip. Looking at his teammate’s eyes he saw another emotion take place, a sort of softness, and maybe pity. Daniel doesn’t see him as competition, he never did, that was why he couldn’t see why Esteban was being calm before. That was why he didn’t even bother to tell him. He looked down at the ground, shaking his head. This was getting complicated for no fucking reason. 

The door opened to Cyril and Aurelie, both shocked expressions on their faces at the two drivers in the middle of the room arguing, the marketing manager behind them looking spooked. This was going to be a long day. 

The French principal walked to the table and stood between his two drivers, who half an hour ago had never had a single problem, were now they were glaring daggers at each other. Nobody was speaking now as he looked from Daniel to Esteban waiting for an explanation.

Cyril closed his eyes, before continuing, “I can see tensions are still high, so why don’t we push the meeting back another hour so you two can relax a little.”

The drivers looked at him, as if to apologise for the mess, but neither spoke. Slowly Aurelie took Esteban by the hand an pulled him towards the door. As he passed his principal Esteban saw the proof of what he was trying to explain to Daniel. The questioning look he got from Cyril turned to one of apology when it met Daniel’s eye, despite the fact he was the one who the team should be sorry for. 

He was too emotionally exhausted to fight his friend, and let her nice words of reassurance calm him down. He told her he tried to stay professional he really did, but Daniel took it too far. He knows Cyril will take his side and make Esteban apologise first. Aurelie tried to cheer him up by saying it will pass and it was just in the heat of the moment, he wished he could believe her. 

Sighing heavily Esteban puts his head in his hands, what did he just do. 

“If the media find out about this I am done for… “

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also Esteban's beard during the Virtual GP made him look so so much sexier, plss he needs to let the stubble grow ;)
> 
> pls don't judge me how quickly i put things out, i'm bored and with too many ideas lol
> 
> ok. bye. leave some comments pls <3
> 
>   
> *this is a work of fiction and is in no way connected to the people/events mentioned in it*


	4. more strangers than friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey 
> 
> this one went on a little longer but i like it;  
> uni starts tomorrow so things might slow down but i do have the whole fic planned out now which is great;
> 
> hope everyone enjoys valentine's day! i'm gonna have some wine ;)

Daniel’s brain had stopped working ever since he heard the words come out of his teammate’s mouth. Fuck. He never thought this was going to blow up into the issue it did. The only thing he wanted to do it share the frustration and maybe push the team in the right direction. His emotions had made it hard to consider others and the things they were feeling, what Esteban was feeling. 

Lying face down into his bed he went over the events that lead to their fight, again and again. He had though they went back to normal, or at least the new normal where they pretend nothing is wrong. Where he jokes about anything and everything, Esteban snickers or lets out a giggle, but no conversation went beyond shallow topics. 

They hadn’t talked about him leaving yet, not the texts or the reason he didn’t tell him. Daniel had felt too embarrassed to mention anything and to be honest he didn’t know how, was he suppose to apologise or not, and then there was their tight schedules, always being around other people. He could see it in the way Esteban looked at him that things were not the same, but he didn’t know how much they had changed. 

He was familiar with what Esteban is feeling, the shame and anger of being the second driver was what ruined his previous team, but it seems he had forgotten about it now, to involved in the game that was F1. Daniel likes for people to like him, he can’t help it - it’s his nature, and now that Esteban probably never wants to see him again, it claws at his stomach, a desperate feeling of making things right. 

Soon enough they’re called in for a debrief, better to get this over with. Daniel tries to clear his head to focus on the race which is hard after the afternoon he’s had. Walking into the room he is the last to arrive, his teammate put in a peculiar spot, this time at the end of the table, not opposite him like always. He notices Esteban doesn’t look up when he enters, on a second glance the whole team seems to be avoiding his gaze. Great, now he has to deal with this. 

Usually Cyril is the one to start this off, but if they’re going to do some work the air needs to be aired out, so after everyone is settled down Daniel stands up. He looks around the room, this time Esteban is staring right back at him. His face is wet, small drops of water decorating his hair and eyebrows. The Frenchman’s gaze is neutral, lot more softer than a few hours ago but not friendly. The look he gets is hard, but his eyes are red and puffy, the everyday smiling face now covered by a slight frown. 

“Before we start I have to say something.” He took a breath, giving himself time to think clearly, “Today was horrible day for everyone, but I feel like I made it worse. So I want to apologise firstly for the team, I know how hard you guys worked on the race plan and it wasn’t your fault we lost out on points.”

Daniel make a note to look at his team, all of them have their attention focused on him and when their eyes meet most give him smiles of reassurance. 

“Secondly, for the way I acted this afternoon, I let my anger get the best of me, for which I am truly sorry. I now see why we couldn’t push for a harsher punishment and understand your frustration.” 

Looking down, Daniel stops for a brief moment. He feels his throat closing a little, sweat now covering his hands as he flexes the muscles in order to get the courage to look to his left. 

“And lastly, to my teammate, Esteban.” At the mention of his name the younger one sat up straighter, and put his hands in his lap, the glassy look he send Daniel made his knees wobble. 

“I am sorry for the way I acted towards you and the things I said, I didn’t mean this to become a problem. I treasure you as a friend, and teammate and I hope you can forgive me.” 

There is little rustle and movement as people around realise he is finished. He gets a pat on his butt from his engineer and some smiles from the rest of the strategy team. His eyes fall on desk, the nervousness finally leaving his body. This needed to be said and he is glad he did it. He couldn’t help but sneak a glance at Esteban, the younger already looking at him, sends him a small smile and Daniel cannot help but smile back.

A cough draws everyone’s attention, this time the focus is on Cyril, who looks serious. He moves his gaze from Daniel to Esteban and over the whole room. The team principal says what everyone is thinking, the whole situation is unfortunate and he is glad it is now resolved. He is sorry for the way the race ended and if someone is to blame it is him. Of course no one takes him up on it. 

He end his monologue with a offer, for whoever needs it, that if problems do arise they are free to come to him to help solve them. Both him and Esteban nod along to what he is saying but offer not words. Cyril also ends the speech with a special apology to Esteban, which Daniel notices does make him blush a little, and a promise to be more careful with the car next time. 

After good 10 minutes of figuring things out the Renault team finally starts the briefing. Things go more loose now that people are no longer so stiff, a few jokes warm up the atmosphere. Going first Daniel opts to keep the notes shorter this time, they need to move on if they want to improve but also he was taken out by a third party so there wasn’t much to say. 

Esteban is next and talks even less, which does worry Daniel, the younger seems to be even more pulled back than usual. He must have had a hard time after their altercation, Daniel thinks. Esteban’s engineer takes most of the speaking time explaining the problem with the car, and why the brakes weren’t changed in time. The Frenchman’s voice is slow and soft-spoken, reassuring any of the people that ask him questions, but his shoulders are still slumped down his body. 

They get dismissed earlier so everyone can rest and leave this weekend behind. Gathering his documents and papers, Daniel wonders if he can ask Esteban to stay so they can talk. It’s one thing to publicly apologise for the fight but another to clear everything between them. However, turning around he finds himself with exactly the person he was looking for. 

“Daniel can you stay behind? I want to talk to you.” Esteban has both of his hands inside his pockets and a shaky smile on his lips.

He can only nod and point at the chair next to his which his teammate takes. The room is almost empty, his engineer gives him a thumps up and Aurelie winks back as they walk away. The only one left besides themselves is Cyril, who Daniel knows is pretending to file things at the back of the office, no doubt watching out for another repetition of the afternoon. 

As the door closes Daniel leans back stretching out his arms and body, a obvious need for a good night sleep after today. Esteban had taken off his jacket, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows showing off the pale skin. 

Esteban started to talk, “I know we agreed to forgive and forget this whole thing, but I was in the wrong as well- ”

“Esteban there is no need to tell me this.” Daniel cut him off. 

“No, I really need to apologise as well, my own problems are not your fault or anyone else’s.” Esteban pushed back, tightening his hands into fists. He was looking at Daniel with such intensity it made him shudder, a sort of determination he hadn’t noticed in him before. 

“You’ve been nothing but nice to me, I respect you, so it was disrespectful of me to say what I did. I hope we can continue to work close together to make this team better and… ” he stopped in the middle of the sentence almost like he caught himself before he said something he shouldn’t have, “yeah, make the team better.” 

Daniel was confused before a memory flashed before him, the conversation they had in the factory, where Esteban promised to help the team win. Win which they both agreed wouldn’t happen this year, and if it did next year Daniel wouldn’t be here to see it. 

“Mate, this is all on me.” he raised his right hand to his chest, “If I hadn’t been a dick about the move, this whole thing could’ve been avoided.” 

Esteban shakes his head at him and looks like he is about to protest, but Daniel hurries to add, “No, really I owe you an explanation so please just hear me out.”

The younger winces, but lets him continue, “I knew I didn’t want to continue with Renault, but didn’t have a contract with McLaren till a month before the announcement. The whole thing was kept under wrap because Cyril still tried to get me to stay, but in the end I choose to leave.” 

Daniel leaned over a little trying to show he was genuine sorry, “I wanted to tell you, I did, I don’t know why I didn’t. It was stupid of me not to, guess I was scared you would think bad of me, which you are allowed to,” Esteban opens his mouth again to protest, but Daniel puts his hand on his leg stopping him from doing so, “ BUT it was never my intention to hurt you. I promise.” 

Esteban lowered his eyes to the floor, contemplating the whole apology, “It’s okay, I just wished I knew before the news got to the media, it kinda took me by surprise…” 

“Again, I should’ve told you, that was on me.” Daniel was hoping this would be enough, to fix things, but judging by the fact Esteban was still in thought he wasn’t so sure. Esteban lifted his head to look at him again, and Daniel’s attempt to smile broke when he saw his expression. 

“Did you know… when we talked, … you know, in the factory?” Esteban asked him. 

Daniel tried to hold Esteban’s fixed gaze but guilt forced him to look away, his hands busying themselves with the hem of his shirt, “Yeah, I did.”

“Oh…” 

There was no accusation in his voice, no anger or bitterness, just sadness. Daniel wishes he had been angry at him, yell and tell him to go to hell, it would’ve hurt less. 

“I’m sorry, I- “ Daniel didn’t know how to make any of this better. 

Both drivers stood there, not knowing what to do or say. Esteban had every single one of his fears conformed, Daniel felt like there wasn’t a bigger bastard than him right now. 

“Don’t worry, I know that’s how things are here, better safe than sorry, right.” Esteban consoled him.

Daniel noticed his smile didn’t reach his eyes, there was pause before he placed his hand on Daniel’s shoulder, his eyes didn’t have the same warmth anymore, not the way they did before. “Let’s forget it all, okay?”

“Esteban…” 

“Come on, it’s been a long day.” Esteban started gathering his belongings without a second glance. 

They leave the room and join the rest of the team in packing up the motor home, they’ll be on a break for a week of rest before focusing on the next race, leaving it all on this track.

Esteban and Daniel keep away from each other, there was no calls or texts, the secret is kept in the team, the harmony back in the workplace. Daniel had trouble sleeping for a while, late night thoughts bringing up things he didn’t want to face. Questions ran though his mind, he still didn’t know why he couldn’t tell him. He wanted to help him, for them to win together so much he forgot how much it would hurt. 

He toyed with him phone from time to time, contemplating calling again. This time he wasn’t so sure his teammate would pick up. Daniel knew they were not longer teammates, not in the eyes of others, the media was already asking more questions about next year and Lando, already fans considered him part of McLaren. 

Esteban seems to feel the same, at times speaking like Daniel is already gone, like he would disappear out of his life forever, not move a few doors down. It felt like he had already forgotten who Daniel is, or was to him. Daniel himself didn’t know what they were, more strangers than friends. 

The next time they see each other is in the factory, preparing for a new race and filming videos for the coming weeks. Daniel feels his heart speeding up when Esteban laughs at him after a silly joke, but the moment the camera is off so is the familiarity they had. Things go back to professional and proper. 

They continue their little dance around each other, to keep the team normality where Daniel pretends not to feel empty and Esteban pretends like he isn’t hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> esteban is such a joy to write i wish more people liked him, 
> 
> ok. bye. leave some comments pls <3
> 
> *this is a work of fiction and is in no way connected to the people/events mentioned in it*


	5. don’t need to be loved by you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey
> 
> this was so much easier to write than the previous update, just didn't have time to edit and post. don't know what that says about me sooo 
> 
> enjoy!

Unfortunately for team, who saw the incident as a past issue, things go from bad to worse when the double in Italy comes along. During the first week things seem normal, preparations, practice and strategies all sail smoothly with both drivers acting professional and seemingly having fun. It is during the race, well Daniel’s race and after it, that things blow up, this time the damage is greater. 

Walking down the padlock Daniel feels himself shaking with anger. Today was suppose to be the redemption of the previous week, their team making up the points they lost in the DNFs. 

He was pitted too early after one of the Red Bulls spun, messing up the rest of the race, Daniel being forced to save his tires till the end. Their biggest fear came true with him losing his back left tire causing an additional pit stop losing his P7, bringing him down to P13 where he ended the race. Today he didn’t care if the media saw him in a bad mood, this whole thing was a joke. 

Right now the only thing he wanted to do was shower and go home. He walked into the motor home and up the stairs, ignoring the stares of the crew by unzipping his jacket. Pushing the door to the locker room, he almost let a groan past his lips when he saw his teammate already inside. Esteban lifted his head from his locker and although they eyes met nether said a word. Daniel’s been tiptoeing around Esteban for a while now, silence was not unfamiliar thing between them. 

The only thing he felt now was anger and embarrassment. Unlike him, Esteban ended up P5 beating out the two McLarens and Max. Daniel closed the door behind him, talking off his jacket and hanging it at the door. He walked past Esteban, the narrow hallway forcing him to drag his back on the wall to get past his teammate, who didn’t move. 

Sitting down on the bench, he unlocked his phone to reply to his parents message. What he ended up opening was Instagram and the first post was of Esteban passing by Max, the Dutchman in desperation to defend spinning out into the gravel. The sound of the spin echoing was heard by both drivers in the small room. Looking up, Daniel saw Esteban’s little smirk even if the other tried to hide it. Oh so that’s how things are now. 

“Glad to see you had a nice race,” He could hear the emotion in his voice.

Esteban continued sorting out his clothes seeming unbothered, “It was good,” but the comment he added a few seconds later let Daniel know that was not the case, “Had to make up for last race, the team worked very hard.” 

Daniel locked his phone, showing it into his bad, “Your side did, I got fucked over.” 

Esteban turned his head towards him “Maybe you should follow your own advice, go yell at them or something … ” 

He gave Daniel a look that was supposed to be one of pity and understanding, but Daniel knew he it was fake. The look in the Frenchman’s eyes was too cold and his tone was mocking instead of comforting. 

“… unless you’re too scared.” 

The revenge for what Daniel said to him, now thrown into his face. He’s sensed the thing between them wasn’t done, a weird gut feeling didn’t let him believe they had forgiven each other and he was right. Daniel knew he fucked up royally, but if the real truth behind it all comes out, it will destroy him. He would rather have Esteban hate him as a teammate his whole life than know the things going though Daniel’s mind daily. 

“Very funny Esteban.” Daniel said standing up and opening his own locker.

He never doubted Esteban’s ability but the pettiness was not something he liked in a teammate. Max was a touchy subject for his teammate, but if he was going to act like a asshole, Daniel knew how to play that game. 

“You were pretty lucky to get this position, Max would’ve passed you in a few more laps, if you didn’t try and take him out again.” 

He unzipped his fire proofs and pushed them down to the waist. While looking around for a towel Esteban’s gaze didn’t leave him once, he could feel the anger boiling in his teammate. 

“Maybe I was.” Esteban turned around pulling a towel out of one of the bags, tossing it on Daniel’s bench. “Or maybe I actually worked hard with my team. I’m sure you’ll understand next year.” 

And there is was, the topic they’ve both been avoiding for days, tension taking over the air anytime it was mentioned. Daniel knew Esteban was not a person to hold grudges, not for unimportant things, but as seem by him and Gasly, he wasn’t the first to forgive either. 

He turned towards Esteban and found the other already looking at him a fake smile on his lips, like what he just said was just a compliment. 

“You’re really enjoying this, you fucker?” He pulled off his undershirt shaking his head at the situation he found himself in. He felt a cold chill down his sweat covered body, today apparently couldn’t get any worse. 

“Me? Nooo, why would I. At least one of us cares about working for the team they’re signed under. “ Esteban answered while putting his helmet away in the case. “You remember both of our points count for the Championship right?” 

“Maybe your team isn't good enough to be 3rd. You placed above me once and now you've let it get to your head. Not really top team mentality if you ask me.” Why was Esteban acting like he was already gone? 

“Well you don't seem to be bringing much more than me?”

“It’s two way relationship. Shitty strategy brings shitty results.” He picked up the towel stuffing it in the locker. 

“Hey, no one forced you to leave Red Bull now did they? Its you who thought you would win with Renault. Guess another promise you couldn’t keep.” The Frenchman shrugged his shoulders. 

“Like the one I made to you.” Daniel knew this was coming. 

Esteban tone shifted from petty to outright mad, “So much for fighting for the team toge-” 

His voice broke, “Don’t start with this again. It’s a done conversation.” 

“… And now you’ll leave to the shiny new project- ” 

“Ohh, so you’re jealous” the huff Esteban let out sounded like it hurt. Good. Daniel wanted it to hurt. 

“Of what? You?” He turned to Daniel again, this time the look in his eyes was dangerous. Esteban had never looked at him like this before, ready to jump in a second. 

“You did say I’m the number one driver yourself.” Daniel knew how to push his buttons. 

“Yet can’t get his team a podium? ” his comment was dry, expression still. 

“Are you kidding me?” Daniel questioned, raising his arm to his hips, “I’ve worked longer to bring us here than you’ve been a Renault driver. ” 

The Frenchman closed his locker, “It’s not my fault you seem to care more if Max does well then your own team.”

Daniel’s could feel the anger coming back. What the hell does this mean? What does Max has to do with this? 

“Are you kidding me?” 

Esteban smirked, “What? Didn’t you just whine about how I hurt your ‘teammate’s’ feelings?” 

“Esteban!” Daniel warned. 

“I’m sorry, was that wrong? Would ‘boyfriend’ be a better term?” He was playing dumb, Daniel could see the smile he was hiding behind the question. He knew there was nothing between him and Max, never will be, so why was he dragging useless things into this? 

Daniel tightened his fists, staring at his teammate, “You’re out of line, Esteban. Max is a friend and I won’t let you use him to get to me. We- ” 

Esteban crossed his arms against his chest, “Please you were more mad about me almost spinning Max out, than the fact he was the reason you got crashed out by Charles!” 

“He locked up!” Daniel knew their relationship was breaking down, more work colleges than teammates, but this… their problems seemed to have doubled. 

“He lost control again, didn’t care it caused you and Charles to DNF.” Esteban said. 

“It was a racing incident you know that.” Daniel spit out. 

“Whatever you believe…” The Frenchman rolled his eyes, starting to turn around. 

“Oh we’ve not done honey!” Daniel pushed at the locker, moving closer. Esteban was toying with him, there is no way he lets this end here. 

Esteban turned around to face him, gaze looking directly into his eyes, “What else is there to talk about? Another top secret you forgot to tell me?” 

“You’re still mad at that aren’t you?” He took a step forward and now they were close enough he could see the sweat in Esteban’s brows, the flush on his cheeks, the anger causing him to bite at his lip. 

Daniel knew if it came to a physical fight he could handle his own. Esteban was well build and taller than him, but Daniel knew how to fight. 

“I’m mad because I trusted you to be my friend, and the only thing you’ve done is lie.” Esteban’s voice went up, they were face to face staring each other down. 

Fuck. 

“Really? Is that really all I’ve done now?! Like I haven’t cared for you at all!” The Aussie practically laughed at this, noticing Esteban taking a deep breath. 

“That’s why you didn’t tell me you were leaving, right? Cause you cared about what happened to me? ” 

Daniel lifted his hand in warning, stopping himself from grabbing the other’s shoulder, “It was none of your business if I left or not!?” 

“Come on, you only came for the money- ” Esteban continued. 

“Get fucked! You really believed that crap?” Daniel slammed his hand on the locker next to him, shocking Esteban by the sudden move.

“Well I’m not going to believe you again, am I!?” he asked, holding his arm out pointing at Daniel’s chest. 

Daniel grabbed his collar and pushed him flat against the wall of lockers, their bodies now flush against each other. 

“Go fuck yourself!” 

Esteban’s face was laced with furry, the other looking at Daniel like he was the most vile thing he’s ever seen. His eyes didn’t hold a single speck of light, lips tightened in a frown, while his jaw was tight against his face. The other man was practically vibrating, his body tightened against Daniel’s own as their hearts beat faster. 

“It’s must be true if it bothers you so much -” Esteban’s hands grabbed his wrists but Daniel’s adrenaline was too strong to brush him off. The smirk on the other’s face was too infuriating to stop him. 

He didn’t understand. He would never understand. It had nothing to do with the team. 

“Shut up!” he slammed Esteban hard, his whole body hitting the metal behind him. The sound echoed though the room, followed by things hitting the ground, his locker door shaking. 

“Or what!?!” Esteban screeched. 

Light washed over them as Daniel was repelled by a pair of hands pushing him off. 

“Hey! Dan back off!” 

He stumbled back a little, too focused on his teammate to resist the push. In front of him, sheltering Esteban, was Michael with a worried look on his face. 

Michael’s voice sounded so clear in the room, “Mate the fuck are you doing?” 

Behind him entered Esteban’s engineer and Cyril both pushing into the small room and standing between the two drivers. Michael took hold off Daniel’s shoulders creating space between the two drivers. He looked back at Esteban and his engineer, who was also holding Esteban back, to make sure the other was intact. 

Esteban pulled at his shirt, breathing heavily while still looking at Daniel, “We’re talking things out so-” 

“Enough. Esteban go change in my room.” The principal said looking from one driver to the other. The look showed both that this time the whole thing won’t be swept under the rug. 

“We’re not done- “ Daniel tried to argue, but Michael’s hangs were already squeezing his shoulders. 

“Go! Now!” Cyril ordered, looking at the Frenchman.

Esteban huffed under his breath but stayed quiet, grabbing his things. The youngster's face was still laced with anger, looking back at Daniel as he pushed the door and left. 

Daniel’s was breathing heavily, now silence surrounding them. He pushed away from Michael and turned towards the bench, kicking the fallen bottles on the floor. 

“Fuckkkkkk!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave some comments please, lets chat! <3
> 
> *this is a work of fiction and is in no way connected to the people/events mentioned in it*


	6. love is stronger than this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey,
> 
> finally got around to writing this one, probably not gonna be able to do the weekly update for a while :(  
> on the other hand Esteban is not letting me live with the ig photos, man is coming for my heart.
> 
> enjoy

When Esteban finally finished telling Lance what happened his friend could only look at him with his mouth open and blink. Listening to himself talk it really did sound like something he would never do but Daniel had lit such a fire in him, his worst characteristics came out. The way he had walked in, not caring about a single thing but himself, throwing Esteban and the team’s hard work away like its nothing. 

They were suppose to be a team, but he was more angry that Esteban finished above him for the first time and happened to pass Max. Esteban thought he would at least celebrate his success a little seeing as it was his highest finish this year, but no Daniel had to make it about him. It sounded selfish, he knew it did, but seeing as Daniel was leaving next year, he had wanted to savor these kinds of moments. 

He sat down on the bed, tired and deflated from the whole day, just wanting to go back home. Poor Lance was not the best at comforting people but he tried, slowly patting his back and offering him something to eat. 

“What did Cyril say?” Lance asked. 

“Nothing.” Esteban was twirling his key card in his hand, remembering the events had somehow made him a little emotional. “Came in the room after 20 minutes told me to go back to the hotel and we’ll deal with this tomorrow.”

“And Daniel?”

“Cyril made him move rooms, he’s on the floor below, our PR manager is now next to me.”

Lance ran a hand though his hair, “Fuck man, this is getting out of hand.”

“I know.” Esteban nodded. 

His friend was looking at him with a worried expression, “You said you talked this out.”

“We did, but he keeps acting like nothing happened, like-like – ugh!!” 

He could hear the brittleness in his voice, he promised himself he wouldn’t be sad over this again, but the disappointment of such a nice day being ruined was getting to him. 

“And - and then today he walks it, not a single word, a single one said to me, and first thing he does is check how Max did! If he wants to go back to Red Bull so bad, the door is open!”

Lance was stroking his back to comfort him, “You shouldn’t care what he thinks,” its times like this Esteban was thankful for his friend. 

“I don’t! ” he said. 

“Este…” Lance sighed. 

“How am I meant to continue to work with him when he acts like that.” 

“He apologized,… you said you were over this.” 

“He said we would work together to win and then… ” Esteban got up, anger coming back this time mixed with all the other things he was feeling. 

He though he could let it end, they don’t have to be close friends, only respect is enough to get the job done. Esteban knew how to separate feelings from work, well he did before he decided making Daniel hurt as much as he was hurt was the better thing to do. 

“He doesn’t care, a friend wouldn’t put me in this kind of situation. We can have the shittiest season ever he still has a future, I don’t. Cyril hasn’t even mentioned a new contact…”

He took of the jacket, the feeling of suffocation making him panic. Trying to distract himself he walked to the fridge to try and find something to drink. Thankfully there wasn’t any alcohol, otherwise he would’ve downed the bottle. The cool water was nice to the tongue, but it didn’t take away the tight feeling in his chest. 

Lance was still waiting on the bed, he didn’t know what to do, well neither of them did. This was not something you get taught in the youth series. A dark thought entered his mind and as much as he didn’t want to entertain it, it slipped past his lips. 

“What if they don’t want me to resign, what if Daniel told them about what I said…” Esteban felt his throat close. God he was so stupid that day, he should of known better than let Daniel hear those things. 

“Daniel is not that kind of person,” Lance tried to reason. 

“How do you know?” He went back to sit on the bed, Lance taking his hand. 

“You know it has nothing to do with you, the fact he’s leaving the team.” The Canadian’s words fell to deaf ears as Esteban was stuck in his own thoughts, “Este… ”

“He probably thinks… fuck I should of never said those things.” he shook his head, trying to forget the memories coming back. 

“What did you say?” 

“Nothing.” His eyes were blurry from the tears threatening to fall. 

“Tell me.” Lance gently squeezed his hand, “Please.” 

Esteban took a deep breath to try and calm himself down, but his voice gave him away. Lance had never seen him cry till now. 

“I was worried about the car, and… the team had problems so we had a conversation in the factory one day. I confessed everything I was thinking, that the season will be bad and we’ll probably not win anything. I told him I was scared of failing again.” 

Esteban’s could feel the tears falling down his cheeks, like rain they wouldn’t stop. All the worry, tension and fear of the last few weeks left him at once. Lance was still gently squeezing his hand, waiting quietly. He looked up at his dear friend, opening his heart which had been hurting for so long, 

“He threw that in my face in the office, during the argument. Lance the look on his face said everything he thought of me.” Esteban tried to dry his face with his sleeve. “I felt was like he was looking at me with only pity.”

He couldn’t talk anymore, his voice broken with sobs as he remembered just how the whole thing made him feel. He closed his eyes and lower his head. 

“And then today, he- he repeated back… “ another sniffled escaped Esteban’s lips, “what I said, t-that- that he is the number one driver and I don’t have the same privilege as him” 

Lance reached over for the box of tissues on the table, giving a few to Esteban “Why didn’t you tell me this..” 

Esteban couldn’t lift his head, “I was embarrassed.” 

“Look at me,” Lance gently ran a hand down his back, waiting for Esteban to look at him, “You are an amazing driver. You’ll be here next year and you will get better, don’t ever doubt yourself. You have nothing to do with Daniel leaving.” 

There was moment of silence as Esteban tried to stop the tears. 

“He told Cyril he didn’t think the team was strong enough to keep him.” The Frenchman’s unsteady voice filled the room, “I’m part of that team Lance. ”

“Oh Este,” Lance softly pulled Esteban’s head to lean on his shoulder, who was too tired to fight it. 

“He wants a strong teammate to prove he can still go against the best and- and is not afraid of a fight, like the media is saying.” Esteban said. 

Lance looked down at his friend, “How do you know all of this?” 

“I overheard Max talking to Lewis,” Esteban was still wiping at his cheeks, his sleeve now damp at the top. 

He continued, “It’s just makes me so angry. People always talking about how weak I am, how I cannot challenge him, how Daniel doesn't like me and thinks I’m boring.”

“Is that why did you brought their relationship into this?” Lance’s comment made him wince, “That wasn’t nice, Este.” 

“I know.” He did feel bad about making things to personal, but it the heat of the moment he didn’t care. 

How did things get so complicated. They were able to talk about anything, Daniel knew how to make people listen and pay attention. He cared so much in the beginning, the team never suffered because of him, Esteban never felt like an outsider, there was sense of unity.

Then out of nowhere he was leaving, and Esteban lost all trust in him. No text, no phone call, nothing. He would question all the things he’s ever said to the Aussie over and over. One bad race into the season, his worries came true. Since then he feels like their relationship is none existent, Daniel had become so distant. If the cameras aren’t on, he would pull away to his room or gym and avoid Esteban at all cost. 

At times he felt like a guest in his own workplace, catching the elder staring at him with this look in his eyes. Esteban could never figure out what it meant, was it contempt, or something even worse, hatred maybe, the feeling of him not being what Daniel wanted him to be. It created a place where he constantly felt on edge, something was going to happen and he would be left unprotected. 

“You really believe he came to Renault just for the money?” Lance’s voice took him out of his daydream. 

Esteban cleared his throat but his voice was still broken, “No, no. He- he wants to win, but- I don’t know anymore. We’re not friends for me to know.” 

“Just tell him how you feel.” The Canadian said. 

“He won’t care.” That sentence made his shiver. As much as he wanted it to be a lie, it wasn’t. “Next year he’ll be McLaren and we’ll be back to being nobodies to each other.”

“Mate, ”Lance pulled his head of his shoulder “… come here.” and pulled Esteban into a bear hug.

He thanked what ever force put the Canadian in his life, he really didn’t know anyone else who could understand his as well as he did. 

***********************************************************************************

Max was on the bed laughing at the Aussie leaned back on the sofa, who was rolling his eyes. His friend called him after he went to his room to hang out and no one was there. Now the two drivers were eating pizza and Daniel is retelling the shit day he had. 

“I would’ve payed good money to see Esteban punch you.”

“He wouldn’t get a chance to touch me.” Daniel huffed, crossing his legs. 

Max winked at him, “I’m sure you’ll last a round-”

“Oi cunt, do you want a beating too?” Daniel gave him the look, to which Max only let out a giggle. 

“Come on man, the fuck happened. You were too scared to call him and tell him you’re leaving. Now you’re have a boxing match in the locker room.” Max crossed his legs and leaned on the bed. 

The Dutchman was right, he knew he was, but even now that he was calm he couldn’t explain why they came to such vicious blows. He would’ve never said those things to Esteban, not any other day. In that moment though, he felt like nothing else mattered to them, words were said to sting, both going for a knock out. 

“I don’t know.” Daniel leaned his head back, staring at the ceiling, “I messed up, but we sorted the whole thing out. Both apologized and moved on. We were fine.” 

“And?” Max said. 

“And then today happened. He did it on purpose, to piss me off even more.”

Max furrowed his brows, “Why would he want to do that?” 

Daniel was wondering the same thing. Esteban just attacked him out of nowhere, questioning his intentions, his relationships, hell even his abilities. He tried hard not to let the anger let to this, but once it started he couldn’t stop it. His teammate stood before him after a bust race and openly called him useless. 

He stayed silent, so Max continued,“Esteban’s not the type of person who hides feelings, trust me I know how him and Pierre were. Do you think you did something?”

“I don’t know and don’t care.” Daniel replied. 

Max rolled his eyes at him, “You obviously care if you said those things to him.”

“He started it!” Daniel was looking at his best friend confused. Max would never side with Esteban, even on things Daniel knew they agreed, why did he choose now. He just wanted to vent to someone, not a lecture. 

“Yeah and you took it further. Did you even tell him he did a good job? He kinda has a point…” 

Daniel opened his mouth to curse out his friend for not taking this seriously and joking, but the look on the Dutchman’s face stopped him. 

“… when he said you don’t seem to care at all about him. We used to always talk after races and plan together.”

Fuck, Max really knows how to read him. He’s always tried to have a good relationship with the teams he was is, and having a common language with a teammate was just as important. Yet, with Esteban that never happened. They had gotten along from the beginning, no problems or misunderstandings. Daniel wanted the young Frenchman to like him, so he put in the extra effort to get close. 

The moment Esteban was announced to be joining him in Renault, Daniel had found his number and reached out to welcome him. He remembers sending message after message with a painful grin on his face, the two had gotten past most of the formalities before they even met. Yet the moment the season started, everything went cold. Daniel couldn’t even pick up the phone and text him team info without getting sweaty hands, second guessing every word, wondering how the other would react. 

“Yeah, but that was me and you as teammates,” Daniel tried to argue. Max and Esteban were very different people to work with. 

Max send him a dirty look, “You were the same with Nico. Esteban obviously thought you guys were close if he cannot forgive you.” 

I thought we were close too.

“Why didn’t you tell him? You told me, Lando, even Lewis and Seb knew, why not your teammate, what did he do?” He stretched out his hands above his head, looking more bored than concerned with Daniel’s problem. 

Daniel closed his eyes. This whole thing was giving him a headache, “Nothing. He didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just-it – I don’t know Max. I didn’t want to risk the season.”

“You had time.” Max noted.

“We weren’t close before.” 

The Dutchman was always blunt and Daniel appreciated that, but sometimes he slapped the truth in Daniel’s face so hard it blinded him, “You were pretty close in France.” 

“Max,” Daniel warned his friend, “Don’t.” 

“What happened between then and now?”

A lot. 

“The McLaren deal, nothing else.”

Max gave him a confused look, “What do you think of him. Do you actually hate Esteban?”

“What?” Daniel sprang up, “No! I could never. He’s … ” He is amazing, and kind and funny. 

“Oh well, If its not hate then … “ the Dutchman trailed off.

Looking at his friend smirking, Max waited to be cursed out or even hit for what he was implying, but Daniel was left staring at the ground, biting his lip. The clock ticking was the only sound in the room, Max waiting, Daniel holding his breath. His face fell, a slow realisation hitting him.

“Fuck Daniel, don’t tell me....you- you like him?!” Max gasped. 

Daniel opened his mouth to say something, anything. It was a silly thought, him crushing on his teammate, who apparently now hates his guts. He put his head in his hands, hearing his heart beating like a thousand drums all at once, gave him the answer. 

“Oh mate you’re fucked.”


	7. your turn to burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyy
> 
> feelings, feelings and more feelings is all you get in this one, some sulky boys who need some warm hugs,   
> the next chapter keeps getting longer, so i might have to drag this on a little bit more; 
> 
> enjoy ;)

On Monday both drivers were given clear instructions. They are to stay away from each other and away from the public while Cyril was busy talking to the both sides of the Renault team, who wanted an explanation for their behaviors. A meeting was scheduled at 2pm with both sides present, to make sure there isn’t a repeat of yesterday. 

Cyril had started the meeting with a simple ‘I’m so disappointed’ fixing them with a blank look. 

“The team is not pleased with this at all. Both of you had been acting unprofessional, childish and idiotic at time. No one wants a hostile work atmosphere and unfortunately both of you crossed a line in behavior.” Cyril took a breath, leaned down, taking papers out of his bag. 

Cyril continued, “Your behavior forced my hand on this. We have the sponsor gala in five days, and you two are jumping each other in the dressing room. The press still doesn’t know and I would like to keep it that way. I don’t have the time for you right now. This whole thing will be handled after the break, before the next race, and you can bet it will be solved. “

Esteban turned towards Daniel, their eyes meeting in the middle, his teammate just as shocked as he was. Esteban didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know what to feel. The Aussie looked rough, probably slept as much as he had, stressing over the whole thing. His eyes were sunken a little, there wasn’t any of the usual sunshine behind him. A shiver went down his spine, fear that he will never witness the warmth of his teammate’s smile ever again. 

“I understand why you think this, but people will notice. We should both- “ Daniel tried to argue, leaning over the table. 

“No. I’m not taking chances again.” Cyril cut him off, shooting him a look. 

“Cyril-” 

“No.” The boss’s face darken. “Daniel, you had him pinned to the wall! H- How do you expect me let this go?!” 

Silence filled the room. No explanation came.

“We focus on the important things first, I’m not getting fired because you don’t know how to talk things out.” Cyril turned one of the pages pointing at a paragraph. 

“This week you will cool off completely. For Saturday, the sponsor gala in Monaco, both of you will attend in full suits, take pictures and shake hands, make small talk for the media while being civil. By the end you will close it together and thank everyone for coming. No incidents or you’re leaving the hotel unemployed. Is that clear?” he placed the document back on the table, dragging his gaze from one driver to the other. 

“Until then no phone call, no texts, no seeing each other. Esteban you are flying home for a few days.” 

Esteban nodded, not trusting his voice.

“Great. That was it for today.”

They left the hotel in two different cars, and from two different exits. 

Esteban groaned as he fell into his bed that night. This was going to be a nightmare. 

And it was. 

Esteban felt tired the whole week. He slept most of the days, minus the work outs and food, he was in bed. Still his body wasn’t the problem, he didn’t feel an ounce of motivation to get up. The only thing he thought was what the Aussie was doing back in Monaco. Was he as tired as he was, or did he move about like nothing happened. Why did he care so much about Daniel, it was obvious that the feeling wasn’t mutual.

Then again if Daniel didn’t care why was he so bothered about what Esteban thought? The whole thing could of ended as another dumb race argument if Daniel hadn’t been so persistent. He kept going over that day, word after word, how did he lose his patience like that he still doesn’t know. Under no circumstances can there be a repetition of the fight, he lost control and pushed all of his insecurities out on the open, ever brought Max in it just to hurt the other. He never wanted to hurt Dan. 

Lance said it was jealousy, but Esteban is still not sure of what, or more like who, he was jealous of. Maybe at the success, or the money and fame, the way Daniel was liked by all. Esteban had been questioning himself and what he felt since that day, going from boiling anger at his teammate to deep sadness over the way things had gone down. Why did he care so much about Daniel thinks? He wished he could push him away like he did with Checo. Yeah, they didn’t get along, but the two didn’t care and worked fine when needed. 

And Daniel, he hated what he was doing to him. He hated the secrecy, the avoidance of facing each other head on, the way he couldn’t let him go. Esteban hated the fact he didn’t hate him, even now. 

Because he couldn’t hate him. 

Even after everything he did, everything him and Lance complained about him and how he acted, he couldn’t. He tried. The lies and hurtful words were forgotten the moment he saw a picture of his smile. Daniel wasn’t suppose to be angry, or sad, it didn’t suite his face. 

Esteban saw the way he treated others, the kindness in his eyes while he smiled. The Aussie’s stupidly captivating personality, his warm hugs, and even the dumb things he did when bored were all still as endearing as before. If Daniel not having Esteban in his life would bring that back, he would be happy to do it, he would let him go. Forget the friendship they had, memories they shared and become strangers again. 

Esteban wishes he could at least find out why. Why did things change, did he do anything wrong. Did he found out something about him he didn’t like? Did he finally believe all the things said in the media, and online. 

Tomorrow was the gala and they would not only see each other but also have to pretend to be normal. Esteban looked at the night sky and promised to himself tonight was the last night he would think of Daniel as a friend. 

He was done being petty, sad and angry. From now on the Aussie is nothing more than a another unknown driver on the grid. 

***********************************************************************************

Daniel felt like he’d jumped off a building and scrambled his brain on the concrete. There was no distraction he didn’t try to make himself forget the Frenchman or at least make his aching heart hurt less. When he had walked into the conference room, Daniel wanted nothing more than to pull him into his arms and never let go, kiss every single worry away. The youngster's eyes were supported by dark circles due to lack of sleep, and a deep frown on his lips. To know that he had contributed to the pain Esteban was feeling made him sick to his stomach. He wishes he could blame him for the fight, say he was being rude and disrespectful, didn’t treat him fairly, but Daniel knew he could never. 

He had been on the edge since that night and the talk with Max. His brain hasn’t stopped for a second, overthinking and analyzing every single thing. The reason for this whole thing was him: he couldn’t separate his own feelings from his work, he couldn’t bare to look Esteban in the eyes and lie that he only saw him as a friend. 

Daniel wished he could, say he didn’t went out of his way to be close to him, to touch him, to listen to him talk, little innocent ways of showing he cared without the need to move forward, the need for more. Esteban’s smile when he told a lame joke, the look in his eyes when he was concentrating, the way he bumped their shoulders together to get Daniel to focus. But it wasn’t enough. 

So he pulled away, inside the very bottom of his heart he locked the memories they shared, the things he knew would bring Esteban joy and happiness, the need to scream from the top of the tallest building that he loved him. There was no place for love in Formula 1, no place for feelings. 

He was scared that telling Esteban the real truth would make him hate him, Daniel did just that. 

When the McLaren deal came along he had stared at the picture of Esteban in his contacts, not daring to press CALL. Maybe if he explained things in person Esteban wouldn’t hate him, if he gave him the reasons why he was leaving he would understand. 

But then again, if Esteban hates him it would be easier. He could leave at the end of the season, as a teammate, a dear friend who worked hard for the team. He could forget. Forget the way he looked at Daniel with those deep glowing eyes, the way his body kept the cold away that night, the way he was happy to spend the rest of the year in that hotel room. 

Waking up in the early hours of the morning with his head on Esteban’s chest, his arms around the other’s waist and his lips so close to his neck. Daniel wishes he could forget that for a moment he lost all sense of control, that lost in the moment he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on Esteban’s cheek. 

The action stirred Esteban, freezing him in place the danger of being found out now very real. But the younger only turned to the side and pulled Daniel closer. They were close enough for Daniel’s brain to melt at the sight in front of him, Esteban smiling in his sleep. He wishes he could forget forcing himself back to sleep to keep the moment intact, to stay in his arms longer. 

He would do anything to see Esteban smile again like he did before, to smile at him. 

They couldn’t see each other or talk, so he thought it would help him stay focused on the next race. It seems that that wasn’t possible as the Frenchman was in his dreams every single night. No matter sober or drunk, the moment his eyes closed, his imagination took over. To add fuel to the fire it was never nightmares or bad dreams, but rather sweet wishes he kept in the back of his pocket. No, they weren’t just dreams of unimaginable scale, they were plans of trips they could go on, things he knew the younger one liked, Esteban’s favourite track and how he could one day take them there to drive around, only the two of them. 

The worst part of this, was that Max pulling this confession out of him meant he couldn’t lie to himself like he did before. He couldn’t complain about how his teammate was just as responsible for this as he was. No, he had to sit here alone in his apartment and think about the man he wanted to have, but never will. 

The Monaco shoreline allowed for some fresh air to clear his head, dry away the tears of the night. Should he tell him? Max seemed to think that Daniel confessing would solve everything, Esteban would turn into a princess and they would ride away into the sunset. 

They had a connection in the beginning, a sort of understanding of each other no one else saw. Daniel could spend hours on the phone just talking about anything and everything. That didn’t mean Esteban felt the same, or that he even wanted the same. 

His head was hurting again. Daniel didn’t want to go back home to the empty rooms, so he went down the beach. The darkness hid away most of the shore, nothingness surrounded the sea in front of him, as he sat down on the cold sand. Why did things get so complicated, why did he have to share his pain with others without question. If he could’ve just called and told him, if he could of just kept calm during the interview, if he could of explained the reasons. If he was brave enough to say those words, at least then Esteban wouldn’t have been hurt. He was a selfish man, that he knew. Daniel wanted it all, the win, the price and the competitor all to himself. 

If only he could go back, if he could tell Esteban from the start he wanted more…. would it chance anything at all? Or would he be as heartbroken as he was right now. The winds offered no advice, only music to help him pass the time.


End file.
